What kind of music do mummies listen to? Wrap music.

The phone rang in the maternity ward, and an excited voice on the other end said, "This is George Smith, and I'm bringing my wife in - she's about to have a baby! "Calm down," replied the attendant. "Tell me, is this her first bab...

I went to see my doctor this morning. "Someone decided to graffiti my house last night!" I raged. "So why are you telling me?" the doctor asked. "I can't understand the writing," I replied. "Was it you?"

My girlfriend gave me an ultimatum. It was her or my addiction to sweets. The decision was a piece of cake

Employer: "We need someone responsible for the job." "Sir your search ends here! In my previous job whenever something went wrong, everybody said I was responsible."